he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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