Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Randomize
