You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize