it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
