How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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