there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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