Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
