I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
handjob tips. give me some.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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