i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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