Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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