I understand why you refuse to be sober now
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
