I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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