You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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