Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
