I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize