when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
