Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
