i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
