btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
