Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
