Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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