he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
