Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
