that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I need a beard to bite.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
