every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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