i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
