U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
