do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
