I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
