So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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