im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
