So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Acid is not a monday night drug
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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