Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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