I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
