i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
