i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
