I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
