Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize