nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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