Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize