im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I think my fart just growled at me.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
