the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
