You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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