dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
