Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
