I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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