Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
