Christians are straight up FREAKS
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
