I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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