I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
