When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Randomize