He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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