Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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