Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
