Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I still have a little drunk in my system
Randomize
