he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
