You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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