Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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