You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
