One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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