He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
