you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
