he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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