no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
