I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
