Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
