Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Boobs are out for the taking
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
