so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
