That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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