I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
