best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize