He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Randomize
